MTI musical · Full-length
Secrets Every Smart Traveler Should KnowScript, Piano/Vocal Score & show details
- Full-length · 2 acts
- Small cast (up to 10), flexible
- Roles: 2 women · 4 men
- PG
The printed Secrets Every Smart Traveler Should Know script comes with your MTI license. The digital version is a separate add-on for your whole cast and crew. See pricing
Secrets Every Smart Traveler Should Know synopsis
Book by Barry Creyton, Lesley Davison, Nick Santa Maria and Stan Freeman · Music by Addy Fieger, Dave Frishberg, Denis Markell, Douglas Bernstein, Glen Kelly, Jay Leonhart, Lesley Davison, Michael Brown, Murray Grand, Nick Santa Maria and Stan Freeman · Lyrics by Dave Frishberg, Denis Markell, Douglas Bernstein, Francesca Blumenthal, Glen Kelly, Jay Leonhart, Lesley Davison, Michael Brown, Murray Grand, Nick Santa Maria and Stan Freeman
If you've ever traveled anywhere by boat, plane, train or bus and lived to tell about it, this is the show for you! Based on the best-selling book from Fodor's, Secrets Every Smart Traveler Should Know is a hilarious revue that offers travel tips and cautionary tales certain to tickle the ribs – or chill the spine – of anyone who has ever set foot outside of his or her own hometown.
Everything from the coach class blues to pesky customs officials is lampooned in this smash-hit Off-Broadway revue. One segment lambastes "automated flight reservation systems" as a man tries to book a flight with "Miracle Airlines." ("If it's a good flight, it's a Miracle.") Lost luggage is the subject of another segment about a hapless business traveler who finds himself "Naked in Pittsburgh."
Originally presented in a cabaret setting with two men, two women, and a pianist and bass player who both sing, Secrets Every Smart Traveler Should Know can be performed by virtually any number of people, virtually anywhere. So hop on for the ride – it's sure to be an hysterical hit for your theatre company.
Full synopsis
Act One
The roar of a plane's engine taking off can be heard as the music begins. Flight Attendant Liz welcomes the audience and warns that it's going to be a bumpy night. Others now appear, introducing the perils of travel and sharing some of their savvy tips to avoid the pitfalls ("Secrets Every Smart Traveler Should Know").
We now meet James, a distraught Business Traveler, who seems to be naked except for undershorts (or a towel) around his waist. He laments the state and whereabouts of his missing luggage ("Naked in Pittsburgh").
Next, we see Michael, a hip and happy Traveler, on the phone with an automated reservationist named Kathy. The reservationist guides an increasingly frustrated Traveler through options and automated loops, until the weary Traveler's time limit finally expires and he is disconnected. We now meet Liz, an excited passenger who recounts all of the riveting talent found in her cruise ship's talent show ("Star Search").
Jay, who seems like an innocently naïve man, details the unusual items that he has managed to pick up from his travels. He simply can't understand why Customs officials are giving him a difficult time ("Customs"). Michael, a frequent car-renter, follows with his own lament about an exorbitant rental bill to a sexy Hertz Reservations Clerk ("Hertz").
Next, a tourist recalls the stunning and handsome souvenirs that she brought back from her vacation ("Acapulco"). Then, in the high style of a Noel Coward play, Amanda and Elyot, two ex-spouses, are horrified to find out that they share adjoining balconies with each other on their current honeymoons. As a faint piano plays strains of "Someday I'll Find You," Amanda and Elyot reminisce about the past and talk of their current loves.
Michael and Kathy then appear to explain the joys and the challenges of discovering America and traveling through the country ("Seeing America First"). Elsewhere, James is reflecting and trying to remember if he left anything behind while traveling ("What Did I Forget?").
We transition over to Michael, the hip and anxious traveler, who is still attempting to make a reservation. No luck there, he ends up holding for the next available operator ("Reservations: Part 2"). Meanwhile, a French Chanteuse laments of her dear lover and his little idiosyncrasies, while another translates ("The French Song").
Back on the cruise ship, a smooth-talking gambler, obnoxious housewife, innocent child and grumpy old man discuss their favorite part of the cruise ship life ("Buffet").
Act Two
As Act Two begins, the cast of characters comes on stage to encourage the audience to see the wonders of the world before it all comes crumbling down ("See It Now"). We then see Michael, asleep near the phone, as music plays in the background – he is still on hold.
A sad and forlorn Country-Western girl dedicates an ode to "Mr. Trailways" and tells of her illicit love gone wrong ("Please Mr. Trailways"). Carmen Miranda and two jungle-outfitted men appear. They set the scene of a distant tropical island and reveal the problems facing their nation ("Red Hot Lava").
It is now Stan's turn to speak of his love for another special island: Uzbekistan ("Paradise Found"). Meanwhile, on her first vacation in years, a simple-minded tourist has a hairy run-in with a Border Guard.
Elsewhere, Jay laments about his unhappy situation and discovering more than he bargained for on his nine-day eating-and-drinking binge throughout a trip to Mexico ("Me and Margarita"). Then, after a brief message from the captain of an Air India flight, someone arrives to set a candelabra on the piano. The entire cast gathers around to find out more about the virtues and vices of Mozart during his festival in Salzburg ("Salzburg").
Michael wakes. Sharon, a live operator, finally answers his call. She flirts with him as he describes his details for the flight to Nome, Alaska. As the reservation is near completion, Sharon begins to repeat herself – Michael is now unsure if she is real or now. James sings about the joys of flying ("Aging Planes").
Next, we meet a shy and unassuming man with a noticeable lisp. He reveals that he has found his perfect match – a woman whom he met on his vacation to Spain ("She Spoke Spanish"). Liz joins us again to give another travel secret: how to find the best travel agent. Three savvy, high-powered travel agents all compete for the best deals for their customers ("Honey, Sweetie, Baby").
As the show comes to a close, the entire cast reunites to remind us about the importance of home. It is their favorite place to be and there is nothing like it ("Home").
Synopsis courtesy of Music Theatre International (MTI).
Secrets Every Smart Traveler Should Know characters & vocal ranges
The Secrets Every Smart Traveler Should Know musical has 6 named roles, for a small cast (up to 10), and the cast size is flexible. Many roles can be cast across gender. ‘Written as’ reflects how MTI lists each role.
| Character | Written as | Vocal range | Description |
|---|---|---|---|
| James | Male | A4–A2 | Plays a distraught business traveler, a Noel Coward-style homosexual newylwed, a forgetful traveler, an old man, a man on safari, a man obsessed with planes, and a Hollywood-esque travel agent. |
| Kathy | Female | G5–E3 | Plays a peppy recorded voice who turns into a sexy operator, a materialistic tourist, the wife in the "American Gothic" painting, a French translator, a loud housewife/tourist, Carmen Miranda, and a Hollywood-esque travel agent. |
| Stan | Male | F4–G#2 | The piano player of the band who also sings. Briefly plays an airline captain and a man obsessed with Uzbekistan. |
| Jay | Male | F4–A2 | The bass player of the band, he also sings. Briefly plays a dimwitted man detained in customs and a gluttonous tourist. |
| Liz | Female | G5–F#3 | Plays a flight attendant, a cruise ship passenger, a sexy Hertz reservations clerk, a Gertrude Lawrence-style newlywed, a French chanteuse, a troublemaking kid, a forlorn country girl, and a simple-minded tourist. |
| Michael | Male | G4–A2 | Plays a hip and happy traveler who becomes distraught, a lamenting car-renter, the husband in the "American Gothic" painting, an elegant gambler, a man on safari, a fierce-looking border guard, a romantic who impersonates a Spanish lisp, and a Hollywood-esque travel agent. |
Secrets Every Smart Traveler Should Know song list
- Secrets Every Smart Traveler Should Know
- Naked in Pittsburgh
- Star Search
- Customs
- Hertz
- Acapulco
- Private Wives
- Seeing America First
- What Did I Forget?
- The French Song
- Buffet
- See it Now
- Please Mr. Trailways
- Red Hot Lava
- Paradise Found
- Border Guard
- Me and Margarita
- Salzburg
- Aging Planes
- She Spoke Spanish
- Honey, Sweetie, Baby
- See It Now - Finale
- Home Encore
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