Five Guys Named MoeScript, Piano/Vocal Score & show details

Full synopsis

Act One

As the preshow music fades, a voice reminds the audience that recording devices are illegal, and the Sound Operator brings up "Rock Doc" over the system. At the conclusion of the song, a radio announcer's voice informs his listeners that they just heard Louis Jordan's "Tymphany 5." The curtain rises on a man, Nomax, listening to this radio station in his home with a bad case of the blues ("Early in the Morning").

At the end of the song, voices are heard offstage complaining about the noise, and, although Nomax screams back at the voice, he switches off the radio and gazes out the window. Suddenly, accompanied by a big bang and a puff of smoke, No Moe appears with four friends – Little Moe, Four-eyed Moe, Big Moe and Eat Moe ("Five Guys Named Moe"). In their introductory song, Nomax learns that they are the "greatest band around." Thoroughly confused, Nomax asks why they are in his house. They tell him that he's been abusing himself with cigarettes, booze and self-deception, and that they've come to straighten him out ("Brother, Beware"). In this song, the five guys teach a lesson on how to avoid getting hooked by a woman and call upon the audience for verbal support.

When the song ends, Nomax is ready to agree with them, but Little Moe turns the tables on Nomax and sets him straight, informing him that woman should be treated as partners and equals. Eat Moe challenges Little Moe's term, "equals," claiming that the woman he saw Little Moe with last week was so "humungous" that she could easily dominate him. The five guys proceed to reveal the joys of big women ("I Like 'Em Fat Like That").

Nomax is starting to lose his patience with the five Moes and wants them out of his house. They tell him that they can't leave until he "gets the message," and they sing him another song that is relevant to his life ("Messy Bessy"). In this song, a man begs his woman, Bessy, not to get "messy" or drunk, saying, "When you've had a couple of drinks, woman, you just might start a riot." Nomax, failing to see how this song has anything to do with him, adds that his woman doesn't even drink. They respond, "So who's the Messy Bessy in your house?"

Nomax tries to escape the five guys named Moe, but they sit him down and tell him about Jack and Jill ("Pettin' and Pokin'" / "Life Is So Peculiar"). These two newlyweds are always at each other's throats, and everyone sees them fighting and yelling all of the time. The thing that makes them different, however, is that they really love each other and love fighting together... and making up.

Finally, after a bit of bickering between Nomax and the five guys, No Moe asks Nomax to tell them what is going on with him and his woman ("I Know What I've Got"). Nomax reveals that he does, in fact, love his woman, for better or for worse, but that he "forgets" to tell her so. Four-eyed Moe tells him that he'd better tell her soon, or he'll lose her forever ("Azure Te").

Nomax admits that he hasn't always been the most considerate guy – forgetting birthdays and anniversaries, etc. – and he wonders if he ought to just start over with someone new. The Moes try to convince him that "lovin' and leavin'" ain't no way to live, and sing him a little song about being alone ("Safe, Sane and Single"). In this song, the boys joke about how a woman changes once she becomes a man's wife (and not for the better!). Nomax thinks that staying safe, sane and single sounds like a good idea, but the guys once again try to convince him that he's wrong. They tell him that he needs to stop taking people for granted; to stop being a Saigo boy. When Nomax asks what a Saigo boy is... they tell him ("Push Ka Pi Shi Pie"). This song involves the entire audience. Lyrics drop from the ceiling, and the Moes teach the refrain to the crowd while dropping a few one-liners along the way. The audience should forget themselves during this roaring good time and give in to the music, the dance and the "Push Ka Pi Shi Pie!"

At the end of the song, No Moe tells the audience to go have a drink and meet them back on the stage in fiteen minutes.

Act Two

Nomax and the group come back, feeling great and talking about a gig that they have to go to... and some more "work" they have to do on Nomax. First, they tell him about the good food, music and drinks that they once knew at the welcome-one-and-all parties in New Orleans ("Saturday Night Fish Fry"). Nomax agrees that fish fries sound like the way to party and he asks for another drink. This allows the five guys to confront him about his drinking problem ("What's the Use of Getting Sober When You're Gonna Get Drunk Again?").

Nomax is now listening and beginning to reflect upon his own life. In a sort of confession, he sings "If I Had Any Sense," which tells how he came to leave his home, his parents and his sweetheart. He knew he was headed down the wrong path, but he had too much pride to turn back. Nomax tells the guys that he is going to try to change. They reply that trying isn't good enough and tell him what his friends are saying about him ("Dad Gum Your Hide, Boy").

All of the above is happening on the way to a gig that the five Moes have. At the conclusion of the song, a drum roll is heard and The Five Guys Named Moe are introduced at the "Funky Butt Club" by an unseen announcer. This begins the show within the show, and includes the following songs: "Let the Good Times Roll," "Reet, Petite & Gone," "Calcedonia," "Ain't Nobody Here but Us Chickens," "Don't Let the Sun Catch You Cryin'," "Choo Choo Ch'Boogie," and "Look out, Sister." (This "show" includes much witty banter with the audience and several opportunities for audience participation.)

The Five Guys Named Moe close their show and find Nomax, who finally "gets it" and is ready to see his woman, Loraine, again. But is she ready to see him? ("Hurry Home," "Is You Is or Is You Ain't My Baby," "Don't Let the Sun Catch You Cryin' – Reprise").

Nomax is now on the phone, apologizing to Lorraine and telling her that he really loves her. Just before hanging up the phone, he tells Lorraine that he is on his way and smiles as he switches of the radio ("Five Guys Named Moe – Reprise").